My daughter received an invitation for a birthday party for two sisters who go to her preschool/daycare. The girls were turning 2 and 4 years old and were having a princess-themed party where the kids were to come dressed in their favorite prince or princess costume. Seemed like a perfectly normal invitation, until I got down to the last sentence on the invitation – “No gifts pleaseâ€.  My first reaction was a bit of shock as I have never gone to a birthday party and been asked not to bring a gift. Isn’t that one of the most fun things about having a birthday party as a child?? The excitement and anticipation of opening up all of those wonderful wrapped goodies that your friends and family have showered you with to celebrate another year of joyous youth?
Then, I started thinking of my daughter’s birthday parties we have each year. We usually have around thirty-five friends and family members at each party, which amounts to around twenty to twenty-five gifts to open since several family members often bring more than one gift (yes, I’m calling out the grandparents on that one!). Once the party is over, someone (meaning me) has to find room for ALL of these new toys and electronics and books and clothes and shoes. My daughter already has what feels like three billion toys dispersed in toy organizers throughout the house.  In addition, there are the outside toys such as scooters, tricycles, toy baby strollers, and toy shopping carts in various random places throughout the yard and on our back deck.  To top it off, anytime we go to any store where toys are sold, my daughter feels the need to tell me which of the toys on the shelf she doesn’t have yet and why it is completely essential that she have that toy right then and there.  I very rarely give in to her toy wants at the stores and as a result, I often leave the store with a very upset, whining child.
Thinking about that “no gifts please†invitation has made me realize that my daughter now expects gifts, or toys, or clothes for all holidays and parties. I don’t think she actually appreciates the value of having holiday and birthday celebrations as a means to spend valuable and enjoyable time with loved ones and friends. Instead, she values these parties for the cake, candy, and the gifts she is going to receive. She doesn’t stop to think that all of these people have taken time out of their busy schedules to come celebrate another year of life with her. I know she is only five, and most kids, including her, don’t tend to think about the reasons behind birthday or holiday celebrations, but by having “no gifts please†parties early on in the child’s life, it teaches a valuable lesson about the importance of friends and family instead of the importance of the presents they may bring.
Birthday parties are often so expensive to throw these days anyways. I know many parents spend a few hundred dollars on their children’s birthday parties. In addition, it seems the norm these days is to invite all the kids in your child’s classroom to the party (some schools actually have a policy that you can only bring in birthday invitations if you invite the whole class). Most classes have twenty to twenty-five children in them, which equates to twenty to twenty-five birthday parties a year just for classmates. If you add in birthday parties for kids on your child’s sports teams or in your child’s dance or gymnastics classes, plus cousins and other family members, that is a lot of gifts to have to buy over the course of a year. And many parents spend $15 to $20 per gift. That is several hundred dollars a year in birthday gifts for children’s parties.
I am going to have to seriously consider doing this for my daughter’s 6th birthday party next year. Instead of saying “no gifts please†though, I think I may encourage guests to donate $5 to a charity of my daughter’s choice in lieu of gifts. I’d like my daughter to learn that giving to others can be as much or more fun than receiving from others. I know it will be a huge adjustment and change in attitude for her to make, but hopefully it will help her to see the joy in just spending time with friends and family and to appreciate the time she is given with them.
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I love the idea of no gift but I love your idea better. I have always thought about just asking guest to bring a donation instead for a charity of my child’s choice, but most of my relatives tell me they have to bring a gift for the birthday child!!!
Yeah, I think getting buy-in from the relatives is going to be the hardest part of having a birthday party without gifts. My parents especially will be difficult to convince!
I have never been to a no gift party, but it is such a good idea! I always end up with loads of stuff that they don’t really want after a couple of days and, you’re right, it feels so wrong to have so much. I love the idea of letting your daughter choose a charity, I’ll give that one a try too 🙂
It definitely made the party more enjoyable not having to buy a gift and worry that the gift you are buying is something the child already has or even wants or likes! And the kids who the birthday party was for didn’t even seem to mind or notice the lack of gifts, they just seemed to be so happy to have all their friends and family there.
I love this idea!! What a great lesson to learn! We all know the people in our families that will insist on giving presents (my mom comes to mind immediately), but I think a lot of parents and their children would love to donate to a good cause, and hopefully it would spread that generosity around to others and future birthdays! How fun! Thanks so much for sharing this.
I know my parents definitely will still end up buying gifts for my daughter, but I think for parents of other kids that attend the party, it removes some of the cost burden on them. Instead of having to spend $15 or $20 on a gift, they can instead donate $5 to a charity and know they are helping out someone.
I love this idea…however, my in-laws do not and did not. It was a no go with family so I ask this of my close friends (:
Yeah, I’m not sure how my and my husband’s parents will react to a “no gifts please” party. I’m sure they will end up getting her toys anyways, grandparents always feel the need to spoil their grandchildren!
I love your idea. At my niece’s 3rd bday she got about 15 different versions of Elsa and I thought right then to do a charity thing when my daughter has parties with friends.
Same thing happened with my daughter’s last birthday. It was a Frozen themed party, so most of her gifts were Elsa or Anna related and many of the toys were almost identical. Donating to charity is a great way to help others and avoid having too many toys around the house.
Wow. I like it! Also love the idea of a donation. What a great way to teach giving. Our daughter turned two today… We don’t need anything!!!! So much “stuff.”
I know, the “stuff” is never ending and ever year there seems to be more of it! After Christmas and each birthday we go through all of her old toys to choose some to donate to charity so there is room for the new toys, but it still continues to build year after year.
This is really interesting and I’ve never heard of this before but I do agree it will teach our children that sometimes it is better to give than receive. I will definitely talk it over with my husband and see what he thinks. Thanks for sharing.
Absolutely amazing post! I actually just had a company reach out to me where the child who is having the birthday befriends a child who doesn’t have anything. They receive donations for their birthday and purchase a gift off of the other’s wish list. Let me know if you would like their contact info I’ll dig it out of my email. The kids stories were so incredibly sweet and selfless!
That sounds like an awesome company, I would definitely like more information about them! I would love for my daughter to be able to choose to help a child in need in place of receiving gifts for her birthday. Thanks!
I have to say, I love the idea of getting kids accustomed to giving to others, through donation. The earlier such a practice is started, the more natural it feels to a person to WANT to give to others. Not to mention that although I appreciate the kindness of those who buy my children birthday gifts, the toys typically are used for a few days, then forgotten.
I love the idea – Excellent post! Thank you for sharing.